The Writing Proficiency Exam:
SAMPLE "2" ESSAY

This sample essay was written in response to an article written by Sports Illustrated writer, Jeff MacGregor: Fly the Angry Skies, Is the Fault in our Planes or in Ourselves? Reading his article and the writing prompt before you read the student samples will help you understand the student responses as well as the accompanying comments based on the WPE Scoring Guide.

2: SERIOUSLY FLAWED PAPER

Demonstrates poor understanding of the main points of the article, does not use the article appropriately in developing a response, or may not use the article at all.

Shows serious flaws in more than one important area of writing (organization,
development, or expression).

Sentence level error is so severe and pervasive that other strengths of the paper become obscured.

Clarity may exist only on the sentence level.

NOTE:(xx) represents a word and (xxxx) a group of words crossed out by the author. Also, spelling and grammar errors have not been corrected.

(#1) MacGregor's story summarizes the average Americans needs and desires. I agree with MacGregor's views and place considerable blame on the airlines passengers, not the airlines.

(#2) MacGregor appeals to peoples rational side. He thinks passengers have set their expectations too high. The airlines cannot provide a high level of individual comfort and quality to everyone, you can't expect to get everything. MacGregor persuades passengers to provide a level of courtesy xxxx xxxxx to other passengers.

(#3) Airlines are in the business of personel transportation, not entertainment and relaxation. Airplane travel xx is safer, faster and more reliable than any other form of transportation.

(#4) Commercial airlines transport thousands of people xxxxx xxxx safely each day. The public always hears about the accidents, they are broadcast on the news for almost one week. Xxx xxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxx xxxx We rarely hear about the hundreds of fatal car accidents that happened during that week. An automobile can be easily carjacked similar to a airplane. The airlines provide added protection with high tech security in international airports. Airplanes travel at 600 miles per hour, poor weather is the main cause of delays. With all things considered, airplanes are the safest, fastest and most reliable form of travel.

(#5) I have always enjoyed the saying: "You get what you pay for." Most airline passengers don't want to take the saying into consideration. The passengers that complain about the small aisles and narrow seats should pay for first class or shut their mouths. The option is up to them.

(#6) Commercial airline passengers are left with the option of paying and receiving first class treatment or saving a few dollars to travel couch class. I have always flown couch because I view airlines as a fast, safe, reliable form of transportation and not entertainment.

(#7) I would gladly take the $200 I saved on couch class and go out to dinner for a week. I would still have money left over to go to the dry cleaners to press my wrinkled clothes.

(#8) If you still think the airlines are at fault go ahead and drive across the United States, tell me how comfortable a car is for four days. You can fight with your passenger over the radio and air conditioning controls.

(#9) Airline passengers need to re-evaluate what their needs are and what they really desire out of a plane flight. Do they want transportation or entertainment?