Comments about Essay Six

COMPREHENSION: This writer understands the article completely and even adopts MacGregor's tone in her insightful response.

ORGANIZATION: The first paragraph is rather large and looks as if it may need some organizational work, but the paragraph is purposeful and sets the reader up for the rest of the essay's focus with an appropriate and descriptive scenario--just what an introductory paragraph should do. Therefore, despite it being a bit long, the paragraph is sound organizationally. In fact, the subsequent paragraphs are just as long yet focused, and transitions are used to connect the paragraphs. The conclusion returns to her opening "hellish" vacation flight example to close the essay and bring it full circle. Overall, the writer's strategy for presenting her points produces an organized essay. Still, a better strategy might be to have shorter paragraphs.

DEVELOPMENT: This essay is very detailed and filled with specific examples that connect specifically to the essay's thesis. The writer weaves in statements of MacGregor's from the article to help develop her point and insure her examples' relevance. (Look to the 3rd paragraph to see the writer's control over development connecting MacGregor's notion of promises to those of other ads.) The reader can clearly "see" the writer's points and their relation to her argument because of these specific details and examples.

EXPRESSION: Although the first two sentences are sentence fragments rather than full sentences, they work to set the scene and are intentional stylistically. Strong sentence punctuation throughout the rest of the essay proves that these fragments are not a result of a lack of sentence structuring knowledge. In fact, this writer reveals a comfort with language and its usage. Her words are simple yet strong and help develop a natural tone that is engaging and entertaining. Here's the closing line of her essay that proves this point: "Next time you are on board an airplane, flying to a business meeting or a resort for your family's vacation, try to keep in mind that the airline's not the only one to blame for your horrible, over crowded flight. After all, who bought the ticket?" This writer uses complex sentence forms. Expression-wise, this writer engages, entertains, and enlightens the reader consistently throughout the entire essay with her colorful frankness.