Comments about Essay Five

COMPREHENSION: This writer demonstrates his sound understanding of the article by integrating MacGregor's words and ideas into his own well-reasoned response.

ORGANIZATION: The introduction of this essay is very effective because of the author's use of MacGregor's words and expressions while summarizing the article and simultaneously developing a voice. The rest of the essay is logical, reminding the reader of the airline industry's purpose as an "industry." The transitions are smooth between most of the paragraphs; the shift from the first paragraph to the second is a bit abrupt.

DEVELOPMENT: Specific details and examples are the shining aspects of this essay, for the writer's ideas and responses to airline customers' main gripes are vivid and detailed (Look at paragraph #3.). The paragraphs are unified and developed as a result of these vivid details. However, in paragraph #2, when the writer attempts another point ("Another issue . . . "), the sentence becomes awkward. Perhaps an additional paragraph is needed to develop this idea.

EXPRESSION: As stated in the "development" section, the details and examples shine in this essay, and they are a result of strong language skills. The sentence variety and structure coupled with the descriptive language reveals a consistent and appealing voice. Yet the essay does have a few spelling and word usage errors-as well as some punctuation slips. On the actual handwritten exam, the writer reveals his conscientiousness toward strong language by lining-out words and replacing them with stronger words. For example, in the third sentence of the essay, the author scratches out "episodes" and substitutes "eruptions" in reference to "air rage."